Health Diaries > The Compulsive Lying Blog

January 20, 2007

The Compulsive Lying Blog

Welcome to The Compulsive Lying Blog, a group blog open to everyone who wants to post. Post personal stories, links to interesting compulsive lying websites and blogs, news stories, commentary, or just your thoughts for the day. Whether you are a compulsive liar or you are in a relationship with someone who is, we'd love to read about your experiences. Post as often as you like. No registration required! Visit the submit page to submit content.

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When did you realize that you were a compulsive liar? or chronic? I realized last week at age 35.
I think I am ready to stop. There is really no reason for my lies. The upkeep of the lies is way more than dealing with any repercussion of honesty. Thanks!

I realized a few months ago (at age 32) and finally "got it" on a gut level even though I'd known for a long time. It started as a young kid under the 1st-born expectations of perfection, then to save face and help my mother in a rising-star career which required the perfect family, and it's been a reflex ever since. It's come close to costing me my marriage. It's not worth it and I want to stop, but it's so hard and I don't know what else I can do - I don't always recognize it and my husband and in-laws are more apt to yell than to support at this point. Individual therapy has helped a bit, but marriage therapy has been very slow going.
I've had enough - this has to stop.

I am concerned about my 14 year old daughter's lying. Her father was pathological, but he's been out of our lives since she was 5. It breaks my heart to think this trait has been passed on to her genetically. Anyone had any experience with this?

I am scared. I lie all the time. Not the big things, but the small day to day things that I can so easily avoid lying about. The really ironic thing is that both my wife and her mother are mental health professionals and can help me if I confide in them. But I dont have the courage to. What can I do? Anyone? Help!

My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for the last 6 years. He is a compulsive liar and I have stood by his side in some of the worst times. He has sabatoged our relationship several times with his lying. At one point, he broke up with me, rebounded with another woman and got her pregnant. He tried to make things work with this woman after the baby was born, but when things did not work out, I took him back.
I am studying to be a counselor and I'm a highly motivated person with a lot going on in my life.
It is not an option for me to give up on him. I recognize this as addictive behavior and I love him so much that I want him to get better.
We were doing fine for a few months. I was happy to accept his child and consider him to be like my own child. My boyfriend got a new job and suddenly started making new friends. He started going out all the time and suddenly started lying all over again. He lies to impress people, he lies out of fear, he lies out of insecurities and for a number of other reasons. But mainly, I believe, it's that he doesn't like himself on the inside.
He has now pushed me away and turned my world upside down again because I am the only person in this world who truly knows him and I am the only person who does not enable his lying. He has chosen lying over me...because I have come to find out that practially every word out of his mouth to his new friends is a lie.
And he said to me that he feels like he can really be "himself" around these people...but my best friend works with him and she says that his behavior has become more and more impulsive and that people constantly call him a compulsive liar behind his back.
I need to let go of him without giving up on him or on my hopes of a healthy future with him, but I really don't know what to do.
The truth is that - like substance abuse - his lying is something that he can only stop if he truly recognizes it and takes the steps to get help. He sees a therapist, but I don't think he's seeing the therapist for the right reasons. He started doing it for the sake of his son, I believe...but it doesn't seem to be helping him at all.
I really don't have any specific questions, but I'm open to suggestions or anything anyone might have to offer. What I don't want to hear is a judgement on how I should just get over it and move on with my life...because that'll never truly happen for me. While I may continue what I'm doing and advance myself professionally, I am committed to this person and will allow him the space to fall - the space to figure things out on his own, but I'll always hold onto that hope becasue I truly believe in him.

But sometimes believing in someone just isn't enough. Although somewhere deep inside him, he knows that I'm the only person who has this faith in him, he has pushed me away for the sake of his lying.

Eventually he'll hit rock bottom and I'll be here, waiting.

I have recently hit rock bottom I have lied and hid things from my husband for more than one reason fear of the loss of his love fear of being told no fear of lack of control. I emassed $260,000.00 in debt and hid it making payments and hiding mail and other things lying to cover and lying to cover that this week our very dear freind died and we went to pay for the funeral and my husband found out everything when he realized everything was maxed out and I had told him they werent. Now I have to figure out how to go on there is no trust as I have wounded him very deeply and it will take a long time to mend if ever . I need help I dont know why I feel I have to lie to the one I love the most. I am 29 years old and have always lied about everthing at first and got more selective in my lied weaving together just enough truth that I look honest and Im not I am make believe I give every one just a taste of who I really am for fear of not being respected. It has to stop because I cant live like this any more

Why do I lie upon lie upon lie even when the truth is being sought? I really hate myself for lying and really hate what it does to the ones I love. I tell you if I didnt have kids and want to see my grandbaby grow up it would be easy for me to end it all when things get like this. I would not and will not act on this it is just that utter feeling of emptiness and loathing of oneself that it seems it would be better if it was to stop. Does anyone understand this or am i the only one?

Hello, my name is Amy J.S. I have a sister 1.5ys older than me who has been lying about everything since the age of 7. We are in our forties now.
The first lie I remember her telling was to our mother. Our mother asked us one day what/who did we play with today. My sister told an outright lie about that day, and I didn't understand why. I abruptly told my mother the truth, and my sister got in a lot of trouble for lying. I thought how "bad" my sister was that day, and how much trouble she had gotten into, that I swore to myself, 'I will never lie because I don't ever want to be in that much trouble, and I didn't understand why she had to do it. We played that day with our usual neighbors, rode our bikes, and played with our dolls, what did she have to lie about?
To sum up the last 40 years, she has lied about everything from stealing my jewelry and other personal items, my mother's jewelry from her graduation, money, and sentimental pearls from that era.
My sister lies now about everything, and this is why I am here. I found this blog on my travels thru compulsive liars.
Currently, she is married for 9 years with no children. She just left this past Wednesday with her boyfriend of 5 years and this guy's daughter to Hawaii for 10 days. She told me she won the trip...she told the people she works with she was having foot surgery. Low and behold, the people at work need a paper of some sort and need to know where my sister put the paper, and want her husband to ask her. He has no idea where she is in Hawaii, since she told him she was going to Hawaii with a girlfriend. she left no number and the cell phone is off. She wasn't taking her husband because back in 2001 he had heart bypass surgery and she said to him, "you're not going to Hawaii with me, because you wouldn't be able to do 'fun things'. She is 250+ pounds herself after gastric bypass surgery. But that lie to her husband was so hurtful and cruel to him, he has just quit caring. She has been lying everyday of her life about everything. my mother and I are beside ourselves about her lying and how she lied her way over to Hawaii with her beau. We are wondering when the ax will fall. The web of lies she has told has to come to haunt her at sometime, but when? Her husband and people she works with have not 'found her out yet.' I simply told her one day, I don't believe one single solitary word that comes out of your mouth. You lie about everything. Another example: Her Matron of Honor was on her death bed for the last year of her life. My sister used this woman's hospitalization (her best friend) as an excuse to be covert with her boyfriend. How sick is that. Yeah, my sister was sad about her death, but was it because she died a terrible death leaving 2 small children behind who were her life, or was it because she didn't have any excuses anymore for staying out all night long.
I can't be a part of this anymore. It makes me nauseated, furious and disgusted. Last example: I have had multiple back surgeries due to an accident. When I had one of my last surgeries, she volunteered to stay with me until I was up and around. (I knew her beau lived 2 minutes from me compared to the 45 minutes from her), I told her from the beginning that 'HE' couldn't be here, it would make me sick. Prior to my back surgery, I sterilized everything I possibley could, from my sheets, blankets, bathroom etc. I didn't want to get a staph infection, VREF, etc...I work as an ICU nurse an may have brought some of that home with me from time to time. That is why the cleanliness. Staph in the spine is usually fatal. anyhow, the DAY I came home and went to lie down in my bed, I discovered the ole 'wet spot'. I immediately was sick! I turned around, and there they were slurping all over each other on my couch. So, I made myself visible in the loveseat next to the couch, so the uncomfortableness might make him leave...didn't work. anyhow, after he left at 2am, I showed her the wet spot...she changed my sheets, and after about 2 weeks of this guy being around for break, lunch and dinner and sometimes showing up at 300am, i kicked her out. She hasn't been here since. She uses this guys sister as her new excuse, oh, I am going over my girlfriend's house, that is what she tells her husband.
Does anyone out there have any suggestions on how to get her to stop lying?
ameshurn@hotmail.com
Thank you.

Hi:

Anyone, please for some advice... I have been with a guy for the past 2 years whom I have deemed a compulsive liar. He lies about everything not just to get himself out of trouble but for everything. I have suspected him of being lying but did not pay it much attention. A few months ago I found out that his sister who he told me was his twin in fact wasn't (there we go a lie for no reason). When we just started dating he told me his father died... I was made to understand a few days ago that too is a lie. I was told that as a kid he was constantly reprimanded for lying and now at 30 years old he is still lying.

I have tried to get him to open up to me but he won't admit that he has a problem. Please anyone can give me some suggestion I'll appreciate it.

Thank you.

I am a compulsive liar. I have been one for most of my life. I have hurt many and I have torn my family apart with my lies. Since I have learned this lesson the hard way I can only say that I am reading and educating myself on this personality disorder that I have.

One thing I do know is that unless the liar accepts that he/she is one, there will never be real change in him/her. The liar will say sorry and ask for forgiveness after the damage has been done. If you want to help a compulsive liar there is a lot of work ahead. A genuine desire to change is the very first step but being able to stay on that path requires support from the liars family or significant other. I have learned that my lies have had such damaging effects on the people I have lied to that they also will need to heal.

I have started learning about cognitive behavioral therapy, about the other elements that have affected my behavior and the choices I have made. How deep the hurt has gone and the sense of betrayal that I caused others. Although I have lost everything I held dear, I know I must fix this in order to not hurt anyone else.

If your spouse or significant other cannot accept his/her condition, then my advise is that you must let go. In the end,when trust is shattered, they must accept the fact that the healing will take a very long time and if they really want a relationship with you, they will invest in you.

hi,

recently married. We did not live together prior to the marriage. 2 weeks into marriage I caught him in a lie regarding his mother. It snowballed from there. He lies about everything - from how long it took him to get somewhere, to who he talks to, to where the remote control is - he will even lie about the end to a movie just to have an answer. He will change his lie immediately after saying it if I ask about it. His answers usually don't make sense so I will ask. For the most part, he isn't lying about anything important. Just typical after work chat conversation. It is more irritating that he is so obviously lying. He lies by omission, by half truths and by outright lies. I looked up some websites and called a therapist. If anyone else has dealt with this I would like to hear a success story and get a realistic time frame for therapy and if it even works.

Becky,

I don't have any advice. I just started going thru this. I haven't been able to find any info for treatment or advice from others. My sister suggested that my husband was afraid of me. In the literature I found re: compulsive lying fear is listed as the cause. However, I know this didn't start with me. The fear starts it and then it becomes a habit. I guess I will have to go waaaay back and find the original fear that started the habit of lying ( or get a divorce). I think it relates to what you were saying about your brother's low self-esteem. and yes, this does ruin relationships.

Compulsive liars out there please offer your opinions.

I became involved with a married man 2 years ago. Bad idea, I know. His wife found out almost immediately and they tried counseling and continued to live together. After a year, I became pregnant and decided to make the best of it. I gave him the option of not being involved, but he wanted us to be together (so he said). He told me his wife would not give him a divorce, but he had filed and would have to wait out a year for it to be final. Baby was born and things seemed fair. Now baby is 6 months old and his behavior was erratic at best.

One week ago, I found out that he and his wife are back together and now they are expecting a baby!!! I confronted the situation head on and now I know that he really is a compulsive liar. Not only did he lie about all this relationship stuff which I kinda "get", now I know he has lied about everything! He lied about where he grew up, what his parents do for a living, his money situation... silly insignificant things!

I just don't get it. Now of course he says he wants only me. I want to let him go, but it isn't that easy and now we have this precious baby. What will I ever tell her about how she came to be?

Seems like there just can't be a happy ever after for any of us. Is there any hope?

i've been with my husband for 12 years and i have been in denial of his compulsive lying. during our entire relationship he has twisted the truth so much until i thought i was going crazy. finally two years ago i went to therapy because i was so emotionally distraught over our relationship and it was at the point that i had to face the truth that he was a liar.
after living together for 12 years, i have to admit that i really don't know him at all. i've been living with a stranger all these years. i made him an appointment for therapy and he lied about going. now that i'm aware of his lying, i know when he is lying on the spot and i respond with "why are you lying?"

My 11 year old step son lies almost constantly. I know he has had a lot of troubles growing up. My fiance and his ex-wife had a messy divorce and custody/visitation battle which lasted for years. He hasn't even seen his birth mother, now, for about four years because she just stopped calling him. But my fiance has had trouble dealing with this child's lying for as long as he can remember.
I don't know what to do. Now we are living together and I have children of my own. The lying hurts all of us, but I don't know how to deal with it. I don't want him to feel like I am turning my back on him too. Sometimes I wonder if he even knows he is lying. But everything in his life has four stories; one for his friends, one for me, one for his father and one for his step-siblings. It's insane! I want to help him stop because he alienates himself from everyone, and his lonliness hurts him.
Is there anyone else dealing with something similar with their kids? Any suggestions? Are there therapies for this kind of behaviour?

I have read that there are therapies, mostly behavior modification, to deal with this issue. However, it seems to me that the person who is plagued with the condition would need to be honest about having the disorder, and doesn't that go against what this person's condition is all about?
I hate to sound like there is no hope, and I believe they can get help when they realize they need it, but there is no way to tell when that person will realize the issue.
Anyway, my two cents....

I have told some white lies in my time but have just told a really big one that I feel completely ashamed about. My lies are never completely made up often just an exaggeration of a real situation or a continuation. I told an ex-partner that I was pregnant when I wasn't. I did actually have a false positive pregnancy test which is when I told him and some others. Sickly, I really enjoyed the attention I got from him and others and didn't set them straight when I found out it was a false positive but said I had an abortion. He behaved really badly and hurt me a lot when our relationship ended. Should I tell him that I was never pregnant or just let it go?

I am 18 years old and I have been a compulsive liar for as long as I can remember. It has torn my family apart, and lost me many friends, and I am still deeply ashamed of myself for the things I have said. It is only know I'm getting help, and have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and spent some time in a psychiatric hospital. I know the fear of telling people and being found out is great but I believe it is better than the burden of living in complete fantasy and trying to keep up with your own mouth. I have reached rock bottom and now with professional support I am on the way up. I find even now I have trouble sticking to the truth but I believe in the long run it is worth it for the normality and stable relationships. I am thinking about setting up a support website for those who lie compulsively and friends and family. If anyone wants to contact me my email is espoir_hoffnung_esperanza@yahoo.co.uk. Good luck to you all. Love J x

I'm 23 years old and have been a compulsive liar for as long as I can remember. I'm an insecure person and I use lies as a defense mechanism to build an erroneous confident persona. My lying is so habitual that I struggle sometimes to distinguish between reality and the false realities I create. I'm constantly in fear that the people in my life will discover my lies. It's difficult to keep track of what I've told to who. I then try to use more lies to dig myself out of holes created by lying, which just makes things worse.

I'm single and live alone, yet I told my coworkers I live with a girlfriend. I've basically forced myself to create and entirely fictional life for no reason that I to try and balance with reality. It's made it impossible to actually get to know people because lies doom all relationships from the beginning. Each day I dread engaging in conversation at work because I feel they are becoming more and more skeptical of my stories. Acknowledgment of the problem is important, but I've known it's been a problem for a long time. It's the next step, being honest and telling the truth about my lies which is the greatest problems. I've dug myself in such a deep hole that admitting the truth would be career suicide. The ironic thing is, it would only take one more lie to help myself out, just say I broke up with my "girlfriend" and bring the false reality one step closer to reality. But, I can't seem to do it. It's the one lie I'm incapable of making.

skepticalofmyself@hotmail.com

Hi Ive been lying for a long time to my friends so that i can look cool. now they all have found me out and have been talking behind my back .I kinda drifted away from them anyway and moved to a different city and Ive met someone who ive leid to already but Ive really cooled down on it alot A whole lot . I was just wondering do I actually need professional help or can I do this on my own with a fresh start wihtout looking at my past

My lying started as a kid just to avoid trouble. It seemed like I always eventually got caught and of course the punishment was always worse. I'm 27 years old now, married with my first child due in two months. I couldn't be in a better place. But I still find the need to lie. Tonight my wife went over one of our credit card statements and found two cash advances I had taken out to pay speeding tickets I had gotten months ago and never told her about. Its not the first time I've lied to her, but it could be the last as she said shes leaving me because there is no more trust. I really can't explain the urge or why I feel the need to lie. Sure she'll be pissed I got a ticket or whatever else I did (I've never cheated, nor would I ever), but I highly doubt she'd divorce me for it. The way I feel inside knowing I've hurt the one person I truly love with every piece of me is just sickening. I wan't to die. I don't know if there is some sort of help for me out there, or if I just need a good reality check. I can't let her go, but it may be too late. How do I get the trust back? Will it ever be back?

My 30 something daughter is a huge and convincing liar. Although I often "suspect" her stories, I desire for them to be true because the alternative is hard to bear. She fabricates such well woven stories and perpetuates them for years. She is amazingly articulate and extremely intelligent and because of this combination, she is able to tell her lies and compound upon them forever. She is also a master of manipulation by playing upon the empathies of the listeners and asking them not to "distress" the other people mentioned in her stories which allows her to keep every single one of us from banding together and exposing her lies. We are all lied to and lied about, creating an atmosphere that prohibits any of us from confronting her and possibly ending this madness. I am her mother, I know what she is capable of and have decided that this behavior must be exposed for her well being, her husband and her 3 children. I understand that I will ultimately lose my daughter and grandchildren. Someone has to be willingto get her some help and I am prepared to be strong enough to get her help at my expense. With love and good intentions I am hiring a private investigator to help me establish solid evidence, so that other people lied to will no longer be able to pretend that my daughter does not have a problem. hopefully , we will all unite and get her some treatment for her lying ( I'm hoping it's cause is chemical imbance) and that we will all get to see how wonderful she really is without the extra drama.

My 8 yr old stepson is an extremely compulsive liar. He lives with his dad & I & our 2 yr old son but he does see his mum on some weekends.

She's a compulsive liar too & does it for attention and I see that's he's copying her. For a long time I tried to let that fact excuse his lies but i just can't anymore. I've helped bring him up since he was 2 i love him to bits he was such a fab kid until about 18mths ago. He did go through a lot with their being court cases between his dad & mum over custody/residence and contact but its not enough to excuse how destructive his lies can be. We've tried everything to try & make him see how wrong & hurtful his lies are but he shows no remorse whatsoever & doesn't stop. He'll lie about anything from what toys he played with to he's not getting fed!

I wish i could get him to see what this could do to his life and how he is at risk of pushing everyone around him away but he just doesn't seem to be bothered. He doesn't want to stop lying and so there's no helping him.

My little boy, his half-brother, is only 2 and he adores his older brother he thinks he's the best thing to have ever walked the face of the earth and they're so close. I can see 1 of 2 things happening; either my little boy starts copying him or he sees how bad it all is when hes old enough to understand and so distances himself from his brother. I don't want either scenario, i just want my stepson back but is he gone forever? have we lost him to a world of lies & deceit?

Their dad doesn't see or speak to his older brother because of how destructive his compulsive lies became (my stepson doesn't see him either) and i don't want history to repeat itself.

If there are any people in a similar situation than me please help? Or if there're any similar people to my stepson who remember being that age can you please tell me if there's anything someone could have done for you to make you stop? Please?

I am also a compulsive liar. I started to lie when I was about 17 because I thought that it would make things more interesting and that it was fun. I can still remember my first lie - it was so ridiculous and had no purpose. At 17 - I began to date a man that was 25 years old, growing pot in his basement, and had two children. He was gorgeous and seemed exciting. So - I began to date him and lied to my parents about it. I also lied to him about my age, dating experience, etc. I told him that he could not call my parents house because I once had a stalker and they didn't trust men calling my house. I ended up etting very serious with him and then he cheated on me. I broke up with him but ended up getting back together with him after months of hidden phone conversations. When we got back together - I only told certain friends because I was sooo embarrassed that I was taking him back. So - now instead of just lying to my parents I began to lie to my friends. This cycle got waaay out of control. I have been in an on and off again relationship filled with cheating and lots of lies. I lied about where I was, what I was doing, and who my freinds were. I even lied when I moved to a different state saying I wanted to take a break. I then told horrible lies in order to put off breaking it off about having a mental break down and needing help (slight truth to it). Then lied about dating, the city I live in, job, etc. He still does not know anything about me as of this past year. We have not seen eachother for about 10 months but we still talk every day! So stupid - but I think I am scared of experiencing such a big loss. I hate that I do this and have started psychotherapy. It is helping a lot but I know I have a lot of work to do. I feel guilty, shameful, sad, embarrassed, scared, anxious, etc. I even made myself sick this year - I began to puke due to severe anxiety of being found out. Just thought this might feel therapeutic.

My name is Tori, and I guess I'm writing this to get all of this sorted out in my head. I'm a liar. I think this may be the first time I've EVER put it like that...even to myself. I'm a liar. From everything I've been reading over the past hour and a half or so, admitting you have a problem is the first step in solving it. So...I'm a liar.

I can't pinpoint the exact time I started lying. But I'm sure it was when I was very young, I just didn't realize it. My family life growing up was pretty much a disaster, but everyone in town thought we were the perfect family. But in fact, I was covering up the fact that my mother was unfaithful, my step-father was abusive, that we had money issues, etc. And I didn't even think of it as lying up until this very minute. It didn't even occur to me until just now that I've been lying my whole life.

Then I met my husband. I was a senior in high school when we started dating. And he was considerably older than I was. My parents did not approve at all, but I was in love and determined to be with him. So I lied. About where I was going, about what I was doing. When I inevitably got caught, I lied about how serious it was. I lied when we became engaged. I even lied and covered it up when I became pregnant. And looking at all of this in black and white, I'm seriously beginning to wonder if I've ever told the truth about anything in my entire life.

I want to go on record as saying that I'm not looking for an excuse or to give myself an "out." I'm just trying to understand why I'm doing this, because I don't know that I can solve the problem if I don't understand what's causing it and where it comes from.

So, fast forward to the present, and I wouldn't be here if I wasn't still lying. The thing is these days I find myself lying about things it's really unnecessary for me to lie about. And it's really lies of omission and covering up. I don't make things up to make myself sound cool or more interesting than I really am. But I'll do things like not tell my husband if I bounce a check and I'll throw the mail away or hide it to cover it up. And then I have to come up with the money to cover the charges, and pretty soon the whole thing has snow balled. Or, I have a friend who I talk to online, and I'll delete messages from the yahoo archive. And I don't know why I feel compelled to do that because I never say anything that I need to worry about. This all came out recently, and my husband and I are dealing with it. But he's at the end of his rope with me, and I can't blame him. It's not that he expects me to be perfect, it's just that he wants me to be honest about it when I'm not. And I get that, I really do. What I don't get is why it feels like it's easier to lie sometimes when it's really not. The few minutes of yelling that might occur over a bounced check is easier to take than the lying, the cover up, and the associated guilt at having done it and the anxiety over being found out. So it's really not easier...not by a long shot. So why does it just seem easier, better, even more comforting to lie?

I had recently even begun to feel like all the lies were taking a toll on me physically. I was tired, stressed, short with everyone. And I hated being like that.

So what can I do? How do I stop? My husband has said to just stop, to just not do it anymore. And that makes perfect sense but it's really a lot harder for me than that. For whatever reason I can't just snap my fingers and never have anything but the truth come out of my mouth ever again. Believe me, I wish I could. Because if I could I wouldn't be sleepless at 3:00 in the morning and afraid to go upstairs and get into bed next to the man who I love so dearly, and who I know loves me, but that can't even look at me right now.

So what do I do? Someone please tell me because if I don't figure it out quick and fix it I'm going to be throwing my marriage away. That's not something I can live with. I love my husband and my family too much to continue to do this to him.

Is there some kind of 12 Step Program or what not? I could try therapy I suppose, but that just seems like it would take forever. I thought I had forever, but as it turns out, I may not.

can anyone help me stop my husband lying to me he lies about bills being paid when they're not and i am at the end of my tether as this has been going on for the whole 15 yrs we have been together. if i cant get him to see what he is doing wrong this will end our relationship forever sooner than he might think.

I just recently lost a close friend, a bit because of differences in lifestyles and values, but mostly because i have a problem with lying. I lie more than the average bear...for attention, because of insecurity, because i want people to see me a certain way, because telling the truth makes me feel extremely exposed and vulnerable. I exagegrate stories to gain attention, often I play the victim and want people to feel sorry for me. I remember the first big lie I told, I was in first or second grade...to my best friend...I told her I was adopted to gain sympathy and understanding from her. I am now 24, so this is no new problem. At this point it's a habit that I really will work hard to break, it has ruined many personal relationships and has made me feel more and more ashamed over the years. I recently admitted to my psychologist that I have a problem, although I was too ashamed to go into detail about it with her. Maybe next time. I think admitting it and feeling acceptance from her anyway will really help. Really, my lying has cost me a lot, most importantly my own sanity and self-love. Telling the truth all the time feels foreign to me and very exposing, as well as very unnatural, but I think with practice of breaking the habit and with the positive reinforcement I give myself and receive from others, things will change, and I will get better. I want to find a way to keep track of my lies, probably writing them down and trying to understand where each of them came from and why I told each one. Then reward myself at the end of the week when I see serious progress has been made. The biggest challenge here will be realizing when I've lied and not denying that it's happened...remembering it as a lie and writing it down. I think when I go a week without telling a lie that isn't related to white lying, or have made progress in this department, I will reward myself with a massage, or with something else that feels nice to me. Why not, I am worth it.

i have lied to the people i love most in my life (at the age of 15) and it is starting to destroy me.it started off when i was writing a couple of poems and then went on the internet to see what other people put and i liked them so much i claimed them as my own to my friends (not thinking of the repercussions of them actually looking them up).i gave a card to the the person i care alot about in my life (they do not know this) and instead of putting my original poems in the card,i put the ones i got off the internet in and it got her worried and scared because it was out of the blue and i got told she was so scared that she actually cried,now i am hated by all of my friends and do not know what to do.i really need help.

My sister is a pathological liar and addicted to painkillers and alcohol. She is now not talking to anyone in the family and accusing her exhusband of actually being the intravenuos drug user now.
It is sickening and she keeps the kids from seeing their father now.
She is abusing the court system and lying to everyone about her past drug use.

i am 21 years old and i am the worst complusive liar, i lie about the small things and really huge things. i dont know why and i tyr to stop but things come out of my mouth before i have even realised what i have said. i think i may do it for attention but i find that hard because i dont really like attention. i have told many huge lies about terrible things that have happened to me, sometimes to get out of work, sometimes to get my own my and other times because i couldnt stop myself, i think something else may be going on because i also think i have depression. i just dont know what to do with myself anymore.

I lie. I lie a lot. I really don't know why, I've had a stable home life and always got good grades. I've graduated from uni, and...and....and I've had to write and re-write this several times because I was lying even whilst typing this. My original comment was going to be along the lines of "I never seem to lie in my professional life or when I was at uni". But that was a lie. I don't lie about my health, that much is true, but I'll lie about everything else. I've even made deliberately exaggerated BAD lies, wildly different from my normal ones....and as a result (rather ironically) my friends think I'm a terrible liar...little do they know I've lied since the moment I met them. I'm not malicious, and I've never hurt anyone with my lies (to the best of my knowledge) but I'm almost 23, it's time to stop.

I'm only 18 but i lie remorselessly to my parents all the time. The current phase is when I use the laptop to do homework but end up on facebook. I tell them i dont have the computer in my room, but of course its in there.. under the bed. I doubt Im a compulsive liar only because I only lie to my parents. I can usually keep a straight face, and have no second doubts as I say my lie. I havent been truly trusted by them for about a year. The lying needs to stop, but I dont know how to. It's second nature to lie to my parents about everything. I want to stop but cant, I think it might end when I go to college next year, but I still have eleven weeks of high school, and a summer break. Any suggestions or exercises that have helped y'all out with this kind of behavior?

Me again! Just to let you know...since I posted a couple of months ago, I've really made a concious effort to stop lying. I've got a new job (where no-one knows me) and I can honestly say I've not lied to anyone there. The lies I've told my friends have been gradually phased out. Sometimes its really hard, and I can feel myself about to lie, but I've managed to stop myself 90% of the time. My friends have noticed I'm a bit quieter, but I'm so much happier so I think it works out! Once I'm more confident in my ability to speak the truth, I'll be back to my usual self..it'll just take a while! So if I can do it, you can...go on, break the cycle... it's so much easier once you've started! Good Luck

I am 15 years old and I have been lying for as long as I remember. I lie about absolutely everything. Every single kind of lie you can imagine. I exaggerate, I fabricate, I tell half truths. Everything. I'm smart, but I can't stop lying. I'm so sick of it. I've been through intense therapy and a residential treatment facility. Someone, help!

I have been lying to my wife for some time now I only lie about one thing witch is my addition to nicotine. I have gone out and bought cigarettes behind her back then I quite smoking and instead of telling her that I need help and going to buy some patches or guy in stead I go behind her back again and go buy chew. Of course I have been caught in my lies over and over and I just continued to lie right to her face. I am 24 years old and I have a problem that is ruining my life I have made the decision that I am not going to lie any more and I am going to do what ever I can to get my wife back seems she kicked my stupid a** out this weekend after the truth came out. If any one can help with some advice or anything it would be greatly appreciated

Hi! my name is jeff im 18 years old and i think im a compulsive liar,i have denied it for a long time now because i always seemed to get away with my lies, but now its starting to affect my social life.my girlfriend recently discovered that i've been lying to her about a "subject" that wasnt even that important but for some reason i kept lying about it. the lie kept growing and growing until it blew up in my face, i tried to explain her but she said that she couldnt trust me any more, and i understand i dont think that nobody would like to have a lier by their side. the point is that i love her a lot and i dont want to loose her because of my lies i have tried to stop but i just cant!! the lies just keep bursting out!, i dont want to keep going like this i hate what is going on and i'll do anything to stop it, please if someone knows a way or somebody i could talk, to try and stop this i would be really thankful.

thanks and God bless

im 15 years old and i trully think i have a problem. i lie about everything and i have no reason to. i lie about my hometown, what im currently doing, what my family lifes like, injuries, experiences and mistakes. my boyfriend doesnt trust me and people are getting pissed when tey realize i told 3 different stories about the same event. im tryin to stop and this is the most honest ive been in a really long time but its so hard. every day i have to stop myself and realize that im about to lie again and think of what the actual truth is. or right after i like i feel awful cuz i didnt need to lie and i shudnt have but if i tell them that i just lied theyll be confused and annoyed and we'll fight. i need help, i wanna have my life back. im sick of the lies and i wish i cud fix everything. its ruining the relationships i have and are trying to make.

can anyone help me?

i am in the process of divorcing my husband of 17years after finding out he cheated on me. His girlfriend kindly rang and told me they'd been together 2 years and he was going to leave me.(he lies to her constantly too)

My husband is a compulsive liar. He has lied to me since we met. He told me his previous girlfriend was killed, he had a brain tumour etc etc etc. He lies about things that don't matter, little things, big things, and not just to me. I recently found out he was well known as 'fantasy'. When confronted with his lies, he comes up with another lie, and another and another, i took him back 5 times and each time he kept seeing this woman, who i believe is after his money but also with mental health problems of her own.

I have finally had enough and the relief is overwhelming. Not to be part of his lying, of finding out and forgiving, is a huge sigh of relief. Unfortunately his lying has included our children - he used them as a cover and took them to his mistress's house and made them lie to me. The guilt they felt has took me a long time to try and make them see they were not at fault and it was their fathers manipulation and they were not to blame at all.

He is still doing it to the children now though, as i don;t want to stop access, they still need a father. My son is very sensitive and hates being party to his lies, while my daughter is feisty and tells me everything now, she herself is very prone to lying and its hard not to over-react as i don't tell lies.
My husband now threatens me and has done physical damage as he cannot accept our relationship is over (even though he is still seeing his mistress - which he lies about !) and he tells me he will kill any man i go out with. He even stopped the divorce by saying we were getting back together !

His problems i feel are caused by his childhood and upbringing - his parents divorced and his mother had mental health issues, he was not a wanted child, and i do believe it stems from this, however, he is an adult and should be responsible for his own behaviour.

He has lost all his friends because of his behaviour towards me and our children, they put up with his lying for years, however he makes new friends very easily by flashing his cash and his lies. I have noticed he has waves of new friends, but they don;t last too long before he has to move on to the next set of people who don;t know what he's like. Genuine people tend to get sick of him very quickly.
I loved him very much and he can be a loving and generous person until he's found out in his lies, then he turns nasty.

He has done some terrible things to me and he just doesn't seem to care,or he forgets very easily. I just cannot live with someone who never tells the truth, and i have to think about my mental health and that of my childrens, we are so much happier, and however awful i sound, i really wish he was out of our lives for good.

Really sorry for Bel's multiple entries! I'm her good friend of ten years' standing now extremely glad to be her partner. I was helping her to post her comment and it kept on saying there was an error so in our technological innocence we assumed nothing had been posted. Sorry!
PS It's been a long hard process for her to come to terms with the extent of the lies and deceit and we are still having to cope with it. Beware!



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